Lost
by The Velvet Inch
Summary: Set after the fall of Kefka: what if Locke had never been found with the rest of the group, and was still a missing person, and what if Celes' way to deal with that would be to forget about him altogether? CelesxLocke
1. Of letting go

Author's Note: I like pie. And muffins… and umm… Blaze?

Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story don't belong to me, and um.. none of the places do! A few Original Characters (OCs from here on out. :P) may appear from time to time, but I'm too lazy to confirm that right now.

Rating: R for many things that'll be appearing later in the story… like more language, and violence, and probably teh saix, knowing me. :D I'm so dirty.

Other than that… err… review for me? lol. No flameyfaces, please

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It had been a month since the fall of Kefka, and everybody had returned to their proper places in the world: Umaro and Mog to Narshe, Relm and Strago to Thamasa, Edgar and Sabin to Figaro, Terra to Mobliz, Cyan to Doma.. Gogo to wherever, and Shadow, well.. to nowhere in particular. Setzer took to the skies again, and Celes going with him on the airship. Locke was nowhere to be found; still missing from when the world went from balance to ruin.

---

Celes had kept herself locked in her room for a good two weeks and showed no signs of leaving. Setzer had tried talking her out once or twice, but it hadn't worked.

It was lunchtime on the sixteenth day of Celes locking herself in her room, and Setzer was hanging around outside her door with a tray of food balanced in one hand while he knocked with the other-- lunch was the only meal of the day that Celes would bother eating, and Setzer dreaded bringing it to her, since it always evolved into some kind of argument about how she should stop hiding herself away, which would normally end in Setzer getting something heavy thrown at him.

"Celes..," he mumbled, "open up." there was no reply from inside the room, so Setzer knocked louder, "Let me in. I have your lunch." there was _still_ no answer, so Setzer just opened the door (it was rarely locked) and went inside to find the room empty.

"Celes?" he asked, frowning and putting the food down on her nearby desk before leaving; he found Celes up on deck, standing at the railing and leaning rather dangerously over the side of it. Setzer could tell that she knew he was there even before he lay his hand on her shoulder.

"Hey," he whispered, "you shouldn't lean like that, you know.. Couldn't have such a beautiful lady like you falling to a watery grave, could I?"

She didn't move, and she didn't speak.

"C'mon, food's in your room, so you should go and eat something," he persisted.

Still she did nothing, but Setzer was patient. In fact, he was patient for a whole three hours before Celes would say anything; turning to look at him.

"Take me to see Terra."

Setzer blinked once, nodding slowly, "Right now?" she shook her head 'yes', and he flashed her an awarding winning grin, "Your wish is my command."

She offered him an extremely forced smile, and as she went back below deck, Setzer noticed that Celes' knuckles were whiter than usual from her hand being so tightly clenched around a very familiar blue bandana.

He took Celes to Mobliz, and has he left, he made himself a little silent promise to get in touch with Shadow and start looking for Locke again. Setzer was going to find him if it was the last thing he did-- Celes definitely needed it.

---

The town looked so _different_ from the last time that she had been there: everything was rebuilt, and there were so many people now.. they were even out in the streets and about town, instead of being kept inside and away from the cruel world.

Walking past a pile of wrestling children, Celes made her way to the nearest adult, fully intending on asking where she could find Terra.

"Excuse me," she began, "but could you please tell me where to find--"

"Celes!" called a voice from somewhere behind her, and she half-turned, expecting to see Terra, who was truthfully nowhere in sight. "Celes!" called the voice again, "I'm over here!" it seemed to be coming from that pile of children that she'd passed. Celes took a more careful look at them now, and she could barely see that Terra was trapped underneath them.

"Help me!" she laughed.

Celes took only four steps to Terra's rescue before she herself was moshed by the kids, who seemed to have split up into two groups. "I can't!" she exclaimed: there were two children sitting on her back, one on her legs, and two holding her arms down. "They've got _me_, now..!"

Terra's expression somehow went from playful to serious, 'Oh no." said she. It was mere seconds before she was laughing again.

After what had to be three minutes of just being sprawled on the ground, Terra attempted to get to her feet, though the children wouldn't let her. "I need to talk with Auntie Celes for a little while.. I haven't seen her in a long time. Will you please let me up? I'll play later. Marie, what did I tell you about spitting on Colin?"

The kids obviously wanted to stay, but they all eventually went off to a game that didn't involve attacking adults and pinning them to the ground. Celes got to her feet, rubbing her arm.

"They're awfully savage," she commented, smiling just a little.

"You think?" Terra grinned, "Well, they're normally worse. Let's go for a walk."

---

"Setzer told me that you've been keeping yourself locked away in your room for the past two weeks," Terra said from where she was sitting on the ground-- Celes was standing a few feet away. "What's been bothering you?" she asked, though she knew exactly what the initial answer would be.

Celes frowned, taking a while to reply to that, "What do you think?"

Terra sighed, "Other than _that_."

"There isn't anything other than that," she lied, and very expertly at that.

"I'm not stupid, you know. You're not telling me the truth."

Celes' frown deepened, "Oh, I'm not?"

"No." Terra paused, breathing in deep the fresh night air-- it was getting very dark out; Terra and Celes had spend the past hour and a half just sitting in silence. "Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help."

"It's something that only I can fix. I've just been down lately, and being like that is what's been.. bothering.. me," explained Celes, and Terra could tell that she wasn't lying this time.

"What made you decide to leave your room again?" she asked, and Celes did not reply, so Terra went on, "I mean.. did something happen, or was it like a split-second kind of thing?"

"I thought about it for a long time," Celes sighed, "Look, I can't live like this any more, it's not like me to dwell on something for _this_ long." she paused, "I'm letting him go. Don't look at me like that-- you know who I'm talking about. I'm letting Locke go and just forgetting about him entirely, so that I can move the hell on. Here." Celes was holding Locke's bandana out to Terra, "Take this. I was just going to burn it or throw it away, but I figured that you might want it."

"I can't take that," breathed Terra, staring at Celes like she was some kind of crazy woman.

"Fine then. I'll get rid of it."

Terra's eyes went slightly wide, and she quickly shook her head, "No. You can't do that-- fine, I'll take it." and she did; reaching out and taking the bandana from Celes, she tied it around her wrist so that she wouldn't lose it.

Celes looked relieved, though she was doing her best to hide it, "Good," she said," now I'm going to go.. Sorry I can't stay any longer."

".. Where will you leave to?"

"I'm not sure yet."

Terra sighed, staring at the ground, "What will you do if you run into him?" she asked.

"He's dead, Terra. If he wasn't, he would have come and found me by now. He promised--"

"-- to protect you. I know, he promised me the same thing. Maybe he just.. figures we don't need it any more; maybe something came up; maybe he's hurt; maybe--"

"Maybe you should shut up?"

Terra went quiet.

"I'm sorry. You _are_ right, though.. and if he _is_ alive and he _does_ think that I don't need his protection any more, he's right. But if I do run into him some day.. I'll just pretend that I don't know him. The chances of me ever seeing him again are _so_ slim that when the day comes that I might, it will have been far too long for me to just throw away any effort into forgetting him. I've said it once to Edgar, and I'll say it now to you: I'm a soldier, not some love-starved twit."

"Celes.."

"Goodbye. I'll probably come to visit again in a few months."

When Terra looked up again, Celes was gone. She sighed to herself, "I hate it when you lie."


	2. Of Rachel and of Shadow

Author's Note: I still like pie, muffins and Blaze. :P Other than that.. I'd like feedback, as I am a _review whore_!

Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story don't belong to me, and um.. none of the places do! A few Original Characters (OCs from here on out. :P) may appear from time to time, but I'm too lazy to confirm that right now.

Rating: Same as before (R), though it's pretty much nowhere past the PG level right now for content.

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"Locke is not dead."

Terra stared across the room at Shadow, who was standing in her doorway.

"What?" she asked.

"He's not dead," repeated Shadow, "Setzer and I found him while he was headed for Kohlingen. He kept saying something about a woman named Rachel-- wouldn't shut up about her."

Terra frowned, "Rachel?" she shook her head, "Was he talking about.. bringing her back?"

Shadow nodded slowly, "Yes," he confirmed, "if 'saving her' counts as that. This girl is dead, isn't she?"

"Yes," said Terra, "she is."

Shadow lowered his head to remove his helmet, and pretended that he didn't notice Terra's startled little jump as he did. He glanced upward, narrowing slightly his striking, green eyes, and asked: "Who was she?"

Terra was trying to hide how openly her staring at Shadow was, and she was doing a horrible job-- she had never, _ever_ seen his face before, and he was disturbingly.. handsome. Personally, she had always thought he would be horrible under there, seeing as he wore that thing all the time.. Shaking her head, she proceeded to rather reluctantly answer his question, "She was Locke's fiancé."

"And what happened to her?"

Terra didn't think that Locke would like her going around talking about that, and so she said, "Why do you want to know? She died, obviously.."

"What happened to her?" he repeated.

Terra sighed; avoiding looking Shadow directly in the eye, as it was severely distracting to her, "I just told you."

He was silent, and she found herself looking at his face again; the look he was shooting her practically forced an explanation out of her mouth: "Umm.. I only know what he told me, but she lost her memory while he was taking her on a treasure hunt-- like, she fell a very long way and hit her head or something. She forgot him completely, so he ended up leaving town.. when he came back a year later, she was dead after being killed in an Imperial raid; the last thing she said before passing was Locke's name." she sighed, looking as if she might start crying just having relayed that information. She got emotional just thinking about Rachel, for some reason.. it was probably because she felt so bad about Locke because of it. "There's a man in Kohlingen that is keeping her body preserved for Locke, so that when he finds a way to call her back.. he can."

Shadow just nodded at her before rather suddenly leaving the room. He returned about five minutes later with a grim look on his face. Terra was still sitting in the same spot, and she looked up when Shadow reentered.

"Did he sound like he found the solution?" she said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean.. did he sound as if he had the solution to bring her back, or like he was still looking for it?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I'm not entirely sure. I think he may have found a way. He sounded excited about something."

"Wonderful.." she sighed.

"You don't sound too thrilled," noted Shadow.

Terra shook her head, "I'm not."

".. Locke would be happy if this woman was alive again."

"Yes," she agreed, "he would be _thrilled_.. but what about Celes? He'd be happy with her too, I'm sure.. And what if one day she runs into a happily married Locke, or maybe his beautiful wife Rachel?"

"She said she was giving up on him, didn't she? That's what you told me when I got here.."

"She's very good at lying, and I'm very good at being able to tell when she's lying."

"So she wasn't being truthful?"

"Of course not!" exclaimed Terra, "How could she _ever_ give up on him? She's in love.. it's impossible to let a feeling like that go, even if you're insane--" she would have gone on, but Shadow had begun to laugh, and that was something that she had only heard once before; though she was getting upset, as they were speaking on what was an extremely dire subject for her, the sound of his laughter was strangely.. calming. She didn't understand..

"What?" she asked once she had gotten over her shock, and trying to sound as if she were still annoyed.

"Nothing.. it's just that I remember when you were so desperate to know what 'love' was, and now here you are, going on as if you're an expert on the subject."

Terra was slightly insulted by that, and she felt her annoyance _really_ coming back now, "Well, maybe I am; I _have_ learned since then."

"There is no such thing as an expert on love," stated Shadow in an oddly matter-of-fact tone.

She scoffed, and though she knew she would feel bad about what she was about to say, she spoke anyway, "Whatever.. it's not like you would have any experience when it comes to this emotion, anyway."

Shadow shot her another powerful look, though rather than compelling her to say something, this one just made her feel guilty-- like, sick to her stomach guilty. If anybody else had been in the room, they wouldn't have noticed it.. but Terra thought that he seemed so.. hurt.

"You're wrong," he muttered, "about Celes being able to kill her feelings.. it _is_ possible, and if anybody is highly capable of it, then that woman is."

"No," insisted Terra, now having regained her composure at least _almost_ completely-- her gut was still bothering her, "Celes may _seem_ like somebody who could do that.. but she isn't. I know her too well to think she would be able to just forget like that; she denies it, but she is somebody to dwell over something like this.. Something like love."

"Why the hell are you so adamant about this? It _is_ possible," he argued.

"It _isn't_ possible, Shadow! She's not _you_!"

They both fell silent.

After a moment of quiet, she tried to apologize, "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.."

"No," he interrupted, "you're right. She's not me. I'm the one who should be apologizing.. arguing over something stupid like that. I don't know her as well as you do, and I should have kept my mouth shut about it."

Terra didn't disagree with him on that.

"I need to be going now," he said, turning to leave.

"Shadow?" there was something that had been bothering her for the past while, and she had to ask him about it, even though she knew that this was totally the most inappropriate time _ever_.

"Yes?"

She hesitated, "Are you Relm's father?"

Shadow bowed his head slightly to put his helmet back on, and though his back was to her, Terra could tell that he was frowning.

He breathed in deep; letting out an annoyed sigh, "Yes. I am."

"Why.. did you leave her?" she asked, knowing again that she should just keep her mouth shut.

"You have no right to question me about this."

"Yes, but.."

"But _nothing_," he growled, "stay out of my business."

Terra stared at the floor, "I'm sorry.." she apologized again.

"I should hope you are," was the last thing that he said before he was gone.

".. I am _so_ stupid.." Terra murmured to herself; clenching her eyes shut and rubbing her temples, she began to wonder what in the world had made her ask him about that.. and why she cared that she had hurt a man that normally wanted absolutely nothing to do with both her and her friends.


	3. Of homes and of lost loves

Author's Note: Same as before.. 'specially the review/feedback whore bit. Oh! One more thing.. this is unfortunately the shortest chapter so far. So short, in fact, that it's more a filler than anything, and I apologize. ;; I write these things during class.. and I always get distracted by something or other.. like Alisha. Or my Saxxy Beast.

Disclaimer: Same as before. Pondering upon Jack Ooh, my dear, beloved Jack.. drool

Rating: Same as before (R), though it's pretty much nowhere past the PG level right now for content… Goddamn me.

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If Locke _was_ alive, then this was most definitely the town that gave Celes the most chance of running into him.. so why the hell was she there? Maybe it was the risk, maybe it made her feel dangerous.. or _maybe_ she was just hoping she'd see him, but whatever it was, it had taken her to Kohlingen, and now she was looking around for a room to rent for the next few weeks so that she could settle down somewhere and decide what direction her life would have to take now.

She could probably afford to just sleep at the Inn for the duration of her stay, but she wasn't exactly sure just how many weeks it would take before she would have everything cleared up.. and besides, the Inn wouldn't exactly be the most comfortable place to stay, anyway. With that in mind, she set off for the Pub, fully intending on asking around about rooms for rent.

Now, she must have been extremely lucky, because the first person she talked to-- a woman that only looked to be about six years older than she was-- had information on a room for rent; there was a problem, though, and that was that the owner of the house hadn't been in town for over a year.

"You could look around if you want to, though," offered the woman, "I have a spare key, since I take care of the place whenever he disappears like that. If you like the place enough, I'm sure I could work something out where you just pay me the money and I give it to him whenever he shows up again."

Celes thought about it, and figured that it would be worth a short. "Yeah," she nodded, "alright."

The woman led Celes out to a somewhat old, but still quite nice looking, average sized house that was deeper into the forest than most of the other homes were.

"You can just look around inside on your own for a while, if you'd like," offered the woman, while unlocking the door for Celes, "I have some things I need to go and do-- I'll be back in about twenty minutes."

"What's your name?" asked Celes.

"Natalya," was her answer.

The younger of the two nodded, "Well, thank you." Celes went inside the house as Natalya turned and left.

When she walked in, she found herself in one big room that was empty save for a couch; the room was covered in about four weeks worth of dust, and Celes had to fight back the urge to sneeze. She looked around, noting two doorways: one in the right corner of the room, and one just directly ahead of her-- she went through the door that was across from her, and found herself in a very empty looking kitchen. There was a pantry to her left, and a door to her right (it connected with the one in the room she'd just left). Celes went through the door to her right and into what was most definitely the hallway; there were three doors: one into a bathroom, one into an empty, spare room, and one into another room that had nothing but a dresser and a big bed in it; she sat down on the edge, yawning.

"It's nice.." she mumbled to herself, suddenly feeling very tired.

She turned and looked down at the dusty comforter that she was sitting on, wondering if it would be a big deal if she just had a nap while waiting for Natalya to return.

"It shouldn't matter," Celes told herself; grabbing the comforter and pulling it back before curling up where it used to be-- she didn't want to lay in the dust. She was about to close her eyes when something caught her eye: there were dark bloodstains in random places all along the bed sheet on which she was currently resting. It took her tired mind a moment or two to process this, and then she was up and on her feet, staring slightly wide-eyed at the bed and briefly wondering why there would even be blood there at all. Studying the nature of the red stains, and where they were they were generally found, Celes assumed that whoever owned this place either was, or had been a cutter.

"This place isn't seeming so nice any more," she half-growled-- she _hated_ cutters; she believed that people who were too weak to deal with their problems in any other way could definitely not be even remotely intelligent.

Celes was startled from her thoughts by the voice of Natalya: "Miss! Excuse me, miss.." and from the corner of her eye, Celes saw the other woman entering the room; she seemed to not notice anything strange about the bed.

The taller of the two(that would be Celes) turned to face the shorter, forcing a smile, "Yes?"

"You're in luck," Natalya beamed, "the owner of the house is in town-- here's right here, in fact. Want me to go and get him for you?" she asked, seeming very excited; like a woman who had just seen an old friend for the first time in ages.

Celes politely shook her head, "That's okay," she said, briefly running her eyes over the bed she was standing beside, "I don't think that I'll be staying--"

"--he's really happy that somebody has shown interest!" Natalya interrupted.

Celes had to fight the frustration that rose in her voice, "Oh. Well, alright hen," she mumbled, glancing down to look at the floor and wondering if the other woman had even paid any attention whatsoever to anything she'd said.

"Perfect!" exclaimed Natalya, before quickly leaving the room. Celes was left alone for a good five minutes, and she didn't bother trying to understand what the voices in the hallway were talking about.

She heard somebody enter the room, but did not yet look up-- she could tell that it was not Natalya, because this person walked in a much quieter way. It was odd, really, since men normally had heavier footsteps than women, and especially women as tiny as Natalya was.

"Celes." said a voice, and the woman in question felt her body freeze up instantly-- the voice was familiar for her, far too familiar, actually.. It was the voice that she normally would have instantly calmed upon hearing, though now all it did was scare her beyond belief; it was the voice that she had been trying to get out of her head for months.

She must have been silent for a very long time, because the voice repeated itself somewhat urgently-- now obviously trying to get her attention: "_Celes_."

"No," she breathed, taking another long moment to try and compose herself before lifting her head up to stare at the man in the doorway.


	4. Of shock and of accusations

Author's Note: I need to start making chapters be all.. NOT SHORT. Maybe I shouldn't write them during class any more? lol.. Mmm, class.. Mmm. Alisha and Saxxy Beast are both so… saxxy. Err. Anyway, I'm still a feedback whore! Which is sad, as I am getting like no feedback.. ;.;

Disclaimer: JACKJACKJACKJACKJACK!

Rating: Same as before.

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When Celes first looked up, her vision was momentarily blurred by tears, and she couldn't see a thing; those tears soon fell, though, and she could once again see properly. He was staring at her far too calmly, but his face was betraying some kind of emotion that Celes didn't quite know what was.

"Celes," he repeated her name a third time, and Celes felt her whole body give an involuntary shiver, "what are you doing here?"

_Looking for a place to stay_, her mind answered rationally, and she found herself wishing that he could hear her thoughts, _what are you doing here?_

"What are _you_ doing alive?" she blurted out, though her mouth had opened to form different words.

Still staring at her as if there was nothing really wrong, he answered her question by once again asking his own: "What are you doing here?"

In reality, the moment of time that she took to answer that was very short, but to her it felt like hours of sifting through potential answers and then regaining enough composure to speak without her voice sounding strained, "Staring at the man I've been trying to find for the past seven months."

"Seven?" he repeated questioningly, "it's been that long?"

Celes slowly nodded, and briefly wondered why she hadn't just pretended that she didn't know him, like she had told Terra she was going to. She continued to stare at the man before her; falling silent.

He was quiet as well, but not for very long, "Why are you here, Celes?" he asked again.

"I'm here to find a place to stay--"

"--I know _that_," he cut in, "I mean why are you in Kohlingen?"

".. the same reason."

He shook his head, "You could have gone elsewhere."

"I like it here," she lied-- she hated Kohlingen, and even more now that he had shown up and made her miserable mood even worse.

"I'm not stupid, you know. You've never liked it here-- _Rachel_ is here."

She found herself lying again, "That's not true."

"It's very true."

He was so right that it hurt, but she wasn't about to let him know that, "Think what you will."

"I was intending to."

"Where have you been all this time?" she asked quite suddenly, "We looked for you for so long..."

"Liar."

"What?" she was slightly shocked by that accusation, "What do you mean, 'liar'?" she said, although she knew exactly what it had meant.

"I mean," he explained, "that you're lying. You didn't look for me-- if you had looked, you had looked, you would have found me. And if you _were_ looking, you definitely weren't looking hard enough," there was something in his voice that made it very obvious that he wasn't telling the complete truth-- some kind of nervousness-- but Celes was getting too upset to even remotely notice it. Unfortunately for him, 'upset' meant 'angry' in Celes' dictionary.

"Are you fucking crazy? Trying to deny to me something that I know for a fact I did?"

He said nothing, just shot her what Celes automatically assumed was a glare, though she was wrong-- he was upset as well, and for him that meant something along the lines of depressed. Celes just narrowed her eyes in his direction, slowly shaking her head in disbelief.

"I want you to leave, Celes," he mumbled loud enough for her to hear, turning around and leaving the room, he slammed the door behind him.

Celes stared at the closed door after he was gone; sitting down on the edge of the bed-- collapsing is more like it-- she buried her head in her hands and screamed.

---

Locke leaned back against the door, sliding down to sit on the floor; the last thing that he saw before closing his eyes was Natalya staring at him in confusion. There was silence in the room behind him, and then he heard Celes screaming incoherently.

Natalya made a funny noise in the back of her throat, before coughing to clear it, "Do you know her?" she asked.

"You can go home now, Natalya." his voice was sharp-- rude, and he felt bad using that tone with such an old friend. He didn't hear her leaving.

"Locke..," she breathed, obviously worried about him.

"Leave," he said, "please."

Natalya's footsteps disappeared down the hallway, and Locke let out a deep sigh; wondering what the hell he was going to do now. The most obvious thing would be getting up and away from the door so that Celes would be able to leave whenever she was done fuming, but.. when he tried to move his arms to push himself to his feet, they wouldn't listen.

"Guess I'm stuck here," he muttered to himself; knowing that he wouldn't be able to move until he was properly calmed down.

"Why the hell was Celes in Kohlingen? And after all the trouble he'd been going through to avoid her-- to avoid everybody. He couldn't have her around, it would completely throw him off course and keep him from doing what he'd come home for.

"Aw, man.. Why'd you have to show up now, Cel? I can't deal with this yet," he said to himself, "just a few more weeks. Let this be a dream.. and I'll wake up and you won't be here for another month. If you show up then, I'll be fine-- I'll be with Rachel." _Rachel_.. Rachel would be alive and well soon, he was sure of it.

Locke reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a shard of magicite. It was a peculiar one, being a different colour from any of the other magicite that he had encountered-- it was red, and almost completely broken, but it was warm to the touch and from stories that he had heard, it was extremely powerful.

"Phoenix," he breathed, "you'll save her for me.. but I need to wake you up first, don't I?"

Truthfully, he was only _assuming_ that this stone had once been the legendary Phoenix, since he had no real way to identify it-- he couldn't sense it; couldn't feel any magic in it.. It was like that with his own magicite as well, it was like they were all just hollow when he tried to reach out to them. It was his opinion that maybe they were in some kind of deep sleep, or maybe a coma of some sort, and all that he had to do was find a way to wake them up.. Or so he hoped, anyway.

Phoenix had the power to bring Rachel back to life, and he was going to take serious advantage of that-- he _had_ to take advantage of it. Rachel wasn't supposed to have died the way she had. Rachel was supposed to have lived, regained her memory and lived happily with Locke. Well.. that's what Locke needed to be happy, anyway. He loved her fat too much to let her go forever.

But Celes.. Celes would only get in his way and keep him from doing what he had to do. She was-- or had been-- all that he wanted in the world, short of Rachel being alive, and that was going to become _extremely_ distracting. Celes being around would make him question his priorities-- make him want to be with her rather than Rachel. He felt so bad just throwing her our, though. What if she _really_ needed a place to stay?

He was interrupted in the middle of his thoughts when he felt the door shift slightly behind him, and heard Celes cursing under her breath.

---

Celes had been screaming so loudly that her throat was hurting, and it was her cue to stop. She dug her nails into her scalp just enough to hurt, but not hard enough to draw blood. What the _hell_ was that man thinking?

"Damn thief," she cursed him under her breath.

Of all people, Locke definitely knew better than to call her a liar when she was telling the truth-- he'd done it once before, and almost earned himself a broken hand. She _hated_ being called a liar almost as much as she hated cutters, and-- oh _no_.

Jumping to her feet, she turned quickly to stare down at the bed upon which she had just been sitting; staring at the bloodstains and carefully putting two and two together: this was most likely Locke's room, and that would make this his bed.

"Oh, Goddesses no.." she whispered, arms falling uselessly to her sides, "Locke.."

Unless he was into some extremely twisted stuff, and Celes seriously doubted that he was, the blood was definitely his, and that meant that there was now one person on Celes' list of 'cutters she didn't hate'.

How could he do that to himself, even with all that he had gone through? He had to be smarter than that.. she _knew_ he was smarter than that. She was going to have to ask him about this now, even if she was still kind of angry at him. Walking over to the door, she tried to open it and wasn't able to push the door outward, as there was some kind of weight against it on the other side-- she knew that it was him. Why the hell was he sitting on the floor, keeping the door shut after he'd told her to get out?

"Damnit, Locke!" she went back over to the bed and kicked it a few times, before sitting herself back down again and staring at her feet. She heard the floor creak slightly outside the door, like Locke was getting to his feet or something.. and the door opened.

Once again, she took a moment to regain her composure before lifting her head to stare at the man in the doorway.


	5. Of misses and near kisses

Author's Note: FINALLY! A chapter that isn't uber short, though it's not exactly uber long, either.. It's kinda in between, I'd say.. Ten pages is in between, right? Anyshway, hope you all enjoy.. and I also hope that you all review after reading. I should just change my pen name to 'Feedback Whore'. I might..

Disclaimer: .. Jack? XD

Rating: Same as before, gawddamnit.

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They were both silent, and Celes soon got to her feet to leave; refusing to look at Locke as she walked to the door. He stopped her.

"Where are you going?" he asked, and Celes frowned.

"You told me to leave, and I'm respecting your request," she explained. His hand was on her arm, and she shrugged him off; going out and into the hallway.

He followed her, reaching out and grabbing her shoulder, "You.." he was hesitant, ".. you're looking for a place to stay, right?"

It took her a moment to reply, "Yes. I am."

Damn her. Damn her for making him feel sorry for her.. "You can stay here."

Celes turned to look at him, and he took a step back-- he couldn't quite place the expression on her face, but she seemed angry.. or maybe just annoyed? "You know," she said, "you really have to make up your mind, Locke. Do you want me to stay or to go?"

"Well," he _wanted_ her to stay, but thinking something like that would get him pondering other things-- things that would make him forget about Rachel. "You've nowhere to go, and I'd feel like an ass if I kicked you out, and.. you're my friend."

She thought about it, or Locke at least figured she looked like that was what she was doing. What she replied with was a bit of a shocker for him: "That's true, I have nowhere to go. I'd stay here, but.. I can't; I can't be around you-- I can't be around somebody that I hate."

"Hate?" he repeated, confused. Was this because he had lied about them having searched for him? She didn't know that he had lied, though, unless he was that horrid an actor.. If it _was_ about that, though.. how the hell was it bad enough to warrant hate?

"Look, Cel.." he started.

"Don't call me that," she cut in.

".. Celes," he corrected himself before continuing, "I'm sorry for being an ass earlier, and tryin' to argue that you and the others hadn't looked for me.. Maybe you just didn't look hard enough, or we all had bad luck and timing?" _or maybe I was purposefully keeping myself hidden._

She almost seemed about ready to laugh, "That's not why I hate you."

"Then what is it?" Locke asked, now more confused than before.

"It's.." she hesitated, looking down at her feet, ".. I have my reasons."

"Are they good ones?" he blurted, wincing when he realized how rude that must have sounded; he noticed Celes tense up, and had to fight the urge to step back again.

"Yes, it is a good one," she answered somewhat forcefully.

Locke was both curious and afraid at the same time. "Tell me what they are," said he, and Celes shook her head.

"I would rather not share that information."

Locke frowned; whispering, "Well, that's unfair."

She sighed in annoyance, "_Life_ isn't fair, Locke."

He was insulted-- he _knew_ that; who the hell didn't? "You think I'm not fully aware of that by now?" he half-growled.

"Not as aware of it as I am," she retorted; he scoffed as if disagreeing, but did not say anything. The two were silent once more.

Locke briefly wondered what would happen next. Would Celes leave? Would she explain to him why--

"--you still want to know why I hate you?"

Alrighty. So she was going to.

"Yes," he mumbled, making himself sound just a bit too disinterested for somebody whose curiosity was piqued.

"There are two or three reasons, but I'm only going to share one of them with you," she let him know, and he shrugged, "Is that good enough?"

"For now," he told her, even though it was just another lie. He wanted to know _everything_ about her sudden hatred.. but he was going to have to take what he could get.

She took one step forward to stand before him-- she was too tall, it was intimidating-- and reached out too quickly for him to react; she tugged up on his sleeves, searching his arms for something and looking disappointed when she didn't seem to find anything peculiar.

"What are you doing?" he questioned, but she cut in halfway through his sentence.

"--Take your shirt off," she ordered.

He felt his eyes go wide, "_What_?"

She frowned at him, "Do it."

What the hell was she doing? "Tell me why."

"Do it, or I'll do it for you."

Locke shook his head, "No, you won't."

"I will," she warned, and Locke shook his head again. Before he could really register it happening, Celes had pounced and he was slammed back against the wall. Her hands were so _cold_, he thought as he shrank back against the wall in an attempt to get away when Celes reached up inside his shirt and tried to pull it off; he kept his arms flat against his sides and didn't let her. What the fucking hell was she trying to do?

"Let me take your shirt off," she grumbled.

"No!" what was the point of it?

"Fine.. I hope you're not very attached to it, then," she muttered before rather violently just ripping his shirt from his body; pinning him back against the wall again with her hands on his shoulders, she leaned back to examine his chest-- searching.

"Let go of me. What are you doing?" he said, but she didn't reply, just continued to stare at him. "Celes?"

"This," she said slowly, "is why I hate you."

"What is--?" his breath caught in his throat when he felt Celes tracing lines along his skin with her fingers; searing his flesh wherever he touched, even though her hands were like ice. "What the hell are you doing!?"

"_This_," she emphasized, totally ignoring his second question. She continued to drag her fingertips along his chest, and he had to keep himself from shivering. He reached up and grabbed Celes' wrist to stop her.

"Stop that. Tell me what you mean," he practically whined, secretly disappointed at how cold he was now what she wasn't touching him any more.

Celes said nothing, just stared quietly at Locke and looking a bit red in the face; he was wondering why, and then he noticed that by tugging on her wrist, he had pulled Celes' body closer to his and that they were now practically pressed against each other. He felt that he was starting to blush now as well, even if it was only slightly. It was now that he was really starting to hate that she was the same height as him-- it made everything more uncomfortable than it already was; her head was lowered slightly and he could feel her breath along his neck and collarbone. Letting go of Celes' wrist, he was hoping that she would take a good step back now that her arm was free, but she didn't. He let himself shiver.

"Celes..," he whispered, and she tilted her head up so that she was level with and staring him right in the eye. Her own eyes were clouded over somewhat, giving her this look as if she wasn't really all there-- a look like she wanted him; Locke didn't understand why she would. He was an asshole, or at least he had been one to her this whole time.. Offering her to stay, that was such a joke.. It had probably been insulting to Celes for him to have even offered it after she was about to leave.

_She's beautiful_, he found himself thinking just out of goddamn nowhere, _if she kissed me right now.. I don't think I would mind forgetting about Rachel. _Locke smiled slightly to himself, but Celes didn't seem to notice, as she was too busy still staring into his eyes. Some hair had fallen to cover a part of her face, and it took everything Locke had to keep himself from tucking it back behind her ear. If he touched her right now, he was afraid that she might move away from him.. which, oddly enough, was exactly what he wanted her to do, and only because it had been making him uncomfortable. He was starting to like it, though.. he didn't mind having Celes as close to him as she was; he liked being able to take in her scent and being able to feel the heat from her body. His arm twitched beside him and he had to fight to not just slip it 'round her waist.. she seemed strangely fragile and disconnected, and he had a sneaking suspicion that she might just shatter if he tried to hold her.

Locke felt Celes' lower lip brush against his, and he groaned so quietly in the back of his throat that it had to have been silent.. but the mood was broken anyway, and Celes was soon standing almost a full foot away from him, staring at the floor so that her hair draped forward to hide how red her pale skin had become.

".. Your scars," she said in a very small voice.

"You..," he cleared his throat, deciding that it would be best to pretend that nothing had happened, "hate me because I have scars? You have them, too."

"I'm not a cutter," Celes clarified, and Locke found himself starting to get angry again in spite of what had just taken place. How the _hell_ had she known that?

"Neither am I," he lied, and it was a half-truth since he hadn't done that in years.

"I hate cutters, Locke," she explained; he was about to protest when she cut in before him, "and people who _were_ cutters."

"I wasn't a cutter," he lied again, wondering why he didn't just tell her the truth.

"I saw your bed."

His bed? What the hell did his bed have to do with anythi-- _oh_. He hurried back on into his room to eye the bed sheets wearily, sighing. "So just out of nowhere, you hate me because I used to hurt myself?"

"Was it because of Rachel?" she said, once again ignoring his question, which was really starting to annoy Locke.

Why did she give a damn? Why was it such a big deal? It wasn't really any of her business, friend or not.. "Of course," he answered, letting some of his annoyance slip out, "what the hell else could it have been?"

Celes said nothing.

"Why are you even asking? Something that I did a year ago is no big deal."

"A year?" she said, and Locke could sense something peculiar in her voice.

He wondered if saying that had been a mistake, "Yes.." he confirmed.

"You'd been doing it when you knew me?" she asked, and Locke registered that 'something' as hurt. Her breath hitched, and Locke wondered if she might start hyperventilating; still kind of thinking that she was taking the whole situation too personally. "Why?" she queried.

"I was still upset," he explained, telling the complete truth for probably the first time that night.

"And she died _how_ long ago before that?"

_Not very, you bitch._ "Don't."

"Don't what?"

_Don't make me want to hit you._ "Don't," he simply repeated.

"Are you planning on elaborating, or can I just assume that you've gone slow? How long ago did she die, Locke?"

"Don't! Don't you fucking bring this up! Just drop it, and leave Rachel out of this!" he snapped, spinning around to glare at a slightly frightened looking Celes.

"How much do I owe you?" she asked.

".. What?"

"Or am I not allowed to stay?"

_Hell no.._ ".. You can stay for free." _Damnit!_

She shook her head, "I can't do that.."

_Why the hell not_? "Yes you can," he mumbled.

"It would feel wrong," she protested, "especially after what just happened-- I would feel like shit."

"It's free, Celes," repeated Locke, and she seemed to drop the entire thing for now.

"I-- fine," she agreed, sounding extremely displeased, "where will I be sleeping?"

"In here."

".. _What_?" the look on her face was priceless, it was like shock and disgust mixed with.. something else.

"After I take care of this.." he gestured to the bed, sighing.

"I don't think.."

"You don't think what?" he interrupted.. _just__ say 'thank you' and go away for a while, already.._

She seemed nervous, "I can't sleep in here."

_What the hell? _"Why not? If it's because of the blood, I just told you that I'm cleaning that up.."

"Well," she began, "I just--"

"Wait a minute," he said, holding his hand to silence her. He could hear Natalya calling him from somewhere outside. Good, and excuse to get away from Celes for a little bit. "I'll be right back."

Ignoring the confused look on Celes' face, Locke turned and left the room. He could see her sitting down on his bed from the corner of his eye.

---

Celes closed her eyes, shuddering; she was glad when Locke was out of the room.

Why did she have to bring up Rachel? She wasn't stupid; she had known that it would upset him, but.. maybe that was why she did it-- she _wanted_ him upset. He didn't exactly _deserve_ it, but it had felt damn good to make him feel like shit, even if he acted like an ass because of it.

She ran her hands along the blanket she was sitting on, ignoring the dust that she picked up on the way. She was so angry with Locke now, and she had no real idea why. all she really wanted to do was kick his ass, or just hit him or something.. or kiss him, that was a good idea too.. She had almost done it earlier, and she had no idea why she didn't go through with it. Panic had obviously been a part of it, but that was only because she wasn't sure how he would react-- she was never a nervous person, or was she getting them mixed up.. and she was never a panicky person? Either way, it didn't change the fact that she hadn't kissed him when she had the chance to.

Locke had wanted her to do it, she had seen it in his eyes-- now, she had absolutely no experience in this kind of thing, but some part of her had just told her that want was what she had seen, and she had never been a woman that didn't trust her instincts. Hell, if it weren't for instinct, she wouldn't be alive now to be confusing herself over this.

Thinking back on almost twenty years-- on a lifetime-- of absolutely no knowledge on what she could have done, and what could have possibly followed.. Well, not a _total_ lack of knowledge-- she wasn't an idiot, she knew what kissing was, and she knew what sex was, but she had never had a part in anything like that. Just because she knew what kissing was didn't mean that she knew how to do it.. Maybe that was the problem, and she had been afraid of kissing him and not doing it properly; of messing it up so badly that he'd laugh at her for it. Sure, Locke wasn't the kind of person to laugh at somebody over something small or stupid, but who wouldn't laugh at a person who can't kiss right?

This was insane! She needed to get her mind off of the embarrassment and possible ridicule she would had to endure had she kissed Locke.

"Think about something else, Celes," she mumbled to herself, "think about anything other than wanting to kiss Locke, or the look in his eyes that made you feel like melting. Don't think about how easily you ripped his shirt away even though your hands were shaking like mad, and don't think about how long you stared at his chest, even when the scars you needed to explain yourself were everywhere.. Or how much you wanted to just kiss every one of them as if it would magically make them all better.." she sighed, knowing that telling herself these things had just made it worse.

She felt that she was a very unlucky woman for so badly wanting somebody that she could not have, and honestly didn't care that she wasn't the only person with that kind of problem. Oh, for the love of the Goddesses.. _Think about something else, Celes!_

Asking Locke whether or not the reason for him hurting himself was Rachel had obviously earned the response she had been given, but there was something in the tone of his voice that told her he wasn't quite over his fiancée or her death just yet. Celes felt guilty for upsetting him like that, but at the same time she also felt _extremely_ good about it.

"He deserves it," she told herself, "after she's been gone for so long, and he's still not over it.. He needs to move on." _he needs to be with me_.

She had always kind of hoped that meeting up with Locke again would have been like something out of a story reunited, they become afraid of losing one another again and confess their love. There was two major problems with that idea, though, one of them was that Celes' feelings were obviously one-sided, and the other was that the concept was bullshit.

---

"There are some people in town looking for you, I told them to come here.. hope you don't mind, but it seemed like an emergency. What's wrong? You look angry."

_Angry that you let people know I'm here, maybe.. _Locke just frowned, shaking his head.

"And I meant before I told you about those people. Did you and that girl have an argument or something?" asked Natalya.

"I hate to say it, but that's really none of your business," he mumbled, and Natalya nodded in agreement.

"You're right. Anyway, I just figured I'd give you some warning before they show up here."

"Did you get their names?" asked Locke, figuring that Natalya's intentions had been good and forcing himself to relax a bit.

She suddenly looked quite embarrassed, and shook her head. "No, sorry.. But there was only two of them-- a man and a woman-- and the man left before I could get a good look at him.."

"And the woman?"

"She looked pretty young.. about the same age as the girl you've been talking with, I'd guess. Umn.. she was kind of pale, and had this weird, but sorta pretty, green hair.."

"Green hair?" he repeated, blinking once or twice. Same age as Celes.. What the hell was Terra doing in Kohlingen, and how did she know that he was here? Who had been the man with her..? "Alright, thank you."

Natalya smiled and left, walking back to town.

Locke shook his head, leaning back against a nearby tree. Why was everybody showing up so suddenly?

---

Terra made her way through the trees, wondering why she had decided to cut through the woods rather than take the path. Her arm was stinging from getting cut on a low hanging branch, but she ignored it as best as she could-- she'd had worse.

A house came into view beyond the trees, and Terra was soon standing out in the open, staring at somebody she had honestly thought dead. Locke was leaning against an oddly placed tree, out in front of the house, and he didn't look very happy to see her.

"Hello," he greeted, his voice sounding quite flat and uninviting.

She was taken aback, but refused to really let any disappointment show. She _wanted_ to say 'hello' back to him, but ended up blurting out something very different: "You promised to protect me!" her eyes went wide at her own words, and she clapped her hand over her mouth, having no idea what had compelled her to point that out. This wasn't about her.. "Celes," she corrected lamely, "You promised to protect Celes."

"I did," he agreed.

"She's looking for you," Terra warned, "And.. I want you to stay away from her if she comes close to finding you."

He looked amused, "Why is that?"

What was so.. entertaining? Did he know something that Terra didn't? "You'll hurt her," she said.

"How so?"

Terra frowned, "Rachel."

He shook his head, pushing off of the tree and walking over to stand in front of Terra, "Rachel is dead. You know that."

"You're trying to bring her back," said Terra, her voice cracking slightly when she did. She hated talking about Rachel, and she hated the thought of Celes getting hurt..

He went silent for a good fifteen minutes, or what at least felt that long to Terra, "What does that have to do with Celes?" he asked, and she couldn't tell whether or not he sounded curious or like he already knew.

She hesitated, "I.. can't tell you."

"So you came to warn me about something I'm not allowed to know?"

"It's not that you're not allowed, it's more like I don't think I should tell you.. Celes would get angry with me," _and hate me forever_.

He forced a grin, "I'll pretend that I don't know."

"No," she muttered.

"I'll forget it right after you tell me."

Terra said nothing. There was something very intimidating about how c lose he was standing to her, and she had to take a step back. She shifted her gaze from his ever-so persistent eyes.. why wasn't he wearing a shirt? Why wasn't she telling him a bout Celes' feelings? Why did he have so many scars? Why was she finding herself oddly attracted to him? Damnit! She managed to stop staring at him and look at the ground instead.

"Please, Terra.." he sounded so much like he wanted to know, but maybe that was just Terra's imagination pretending that he did so she would have an excuse to tell him.

"Celes is.." _damnit, Terra! Just tell him!_

"Celes is what?"

Terra sighed, glancing back up at Locke and just goddamn telling him; had she known what reaction she would be getting from Locke, she might have kept it to herself, "She's in love with you."

One of his eyebrows rose, and he started laughing so suddenly that Terra was startled into taking three steps away from him. "That's funny, considering she just told me that she hates me."

Just told him that she hates him? That meant that Celes was already here, and Terra had arrived too late! Oh, no.. "Where is she?" asked Terra.

"Inside."

".. When did she get here?"

"A while ago."

Terra frowned again, "Why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

"She got rid of it. Look, do you want to talk to her or something? I think she's still in my room." there was silence, and then Locke must have caught the surprised look that Terra knew had taken over, and he was soon laughing again; Terra felt her face flush in embarrassment. "That sounded wrong, didn't it?" he asked after his laughter had calmed, "We didn't do anything, Terra, if that's what you're thinking." he seemed to be leaving something out, but Terra didn't press the issue.

"R-right.. I wasn't thinking that," she lied before quickly changing the subject, "How do you plan on bringing Rachel back?" she asked, and when she spoke she suddenly felt very sick to her stomach as the realization came to her that whatever Locke had found most likely wouldn't work now that magic was no more.

She had expected him to get upset upon the mention of his lost love, but he seemed relieved this time, almost as if he had been waiting for the question to come up, "Well, I found this esper.. or magicite, really.."

_It won't work, Locke.. How am I going to tell you that?_

"..Phoenix. Phoenix can bring people back to life, right?" he asked, and Terra stared blankly at him. Of course Phoenix could.. if Phoenix was in existence, maybe. She felt like just lying to him, 'no, she can't..' but then he would just go looking for another solution.

"Magic.. would be the only way to bring her back, right? There's no other way?"

He nodded, "Right."

Terra bit her lip, knowing that she was going to hate herself 'til the end of time for what she was about to do, but Locke needed to know _now_ or both he and Celes would just end up getting more hurt in the end. Her stomach churned, and she winced slightly.. knowing she was about to break somebody's already tattered heart was a horrible feeling.

She inhaled deeply, holding her breath before letting go. She lifted her head to look at Locke properly, and kept her voice very serious so that he would know she wasn't just trying to make him give up: "You can't bring Rachel back, Locke.. _ever_. There's no such thing as magic any more."


End file.
